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Well its been a hell of a crazy month heck few months.
Got my heart broken ripped out stomped on and tossed around again.
i seriousely give up on dating. are there even any real guys out there left.
So i have been fillling my time with lots of fiction when im not working.
Been on a big dom/brian kick  some dean/sam and of course have to get my steve/danny
kick in.. I really wish they had more mpreg in steve/danny and dom/brian.
Been working on some stories with mpreg figured cant find any write some.
well thats all for now til next time.   aloha

THEY SAY PICKING UP THE PIECES IS THE HARDEST PART, BUT I THINK THAT THE HARDEST PART  IS THE NOT KNOWING WHY ALL THE UN ANSWERED QUESTIONS YOU  ARE LEFT WITH... HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME........WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THIS TO ANOTHER OF GODS CHILDREN...... HOW DO YOU LIBE WITH YOURSELF HAVING NO REMORSE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.... HOW MANY OTHERS ARE THERE.....

Denial

Guilt

Ashamed

Fear

Confusion

Uncertainty

Lonely

Longing

Missing

Hoping

Disapointment

Raw

Tears

Dark

Disgust

Fighting

Breathing

Weak

Strength

Hurt

Love

Wondering

Questions

Numb

Upside down

Why Why Why Why Why WHy WHy WHy WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!

My life is all these things now thanks to u. One scattered shattered overlapping puzzle within a puzzle. I can almost see myself in the small pieces. An edge of an eye, a corner of my arm, a dark part of my heart which is the furthest away. Sometimes I  wonder if I will ever be able to put it back together. It seems an impossible task yet I have to  try,  I owe it to myself..................

piece of me

I was so blind that I couldn't see what was going on. What was right infront of me happening to me.
I was changing in ways I never knew.  You blew into my life and completely trashed it. I let you trash it.
Being with you was like a rollar coaster from hell. You had  me up, down, all around many times dangling
on the ledge. The way you treated me the way i allowed you to treat me is shamefull. I did everything and anything
you wanted. I couldn't see it then, I didn't realize what  you were doing to me was wrong and unacceptable.
It shouldn't hurt to be with someone, it shouldnt be painful. If u had really cared you wouldn't of treated me as u did. Done all those awuful, horrible unthinkable things. I am ashamed and feel sic dirty when I think about it. All
I did was care, take care of u be there for you. That was my mistake my stupidness. I was foolish enough to think you could change be diffrent.  One of the hardest things now is the not knowing or understanding. YOu were so
sweet, nice and caring in the beginig then u turned into this monster saying hurtful mean things on purpose to cause me pain. One day u will realize how u took advantage of me how horrible u were, but it will be too late. Because i wont be there to  pick u up or to put u back together. I deserve better i should have better, i expect better. U might beg, u might promise to change, u might say your sorry, u might miss me and I might miss u, but I wont cant ever take u back. If I did I fear that will be the end of me as I know it. Your loss and foolishness will be anothers gain...........................................

Well this is my first entry what can i say it's been crazy. Moving finding storage uhaul pain in the ass fathers, working looser no good worthless exes. So glad to be rid of that one, was no good all the way around. Lucky for me i opened my eyes just in time. Been pretty warm today was hopin it would kool off but no such luck. Definetly not looking forward to  wednesday. Moving day YAY!!! I mean that in the most sarcastic way.  Been thinking i might actually post some of my stories on here. Don't know if anyone will read them, but it can't hurt. well thats all 4 now til next time this is Livindedgrl signing off have a great day......

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livindedgrl27
livindedgrl27

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